


Adventures of a Unicorn in France

by space_mermaid



Category: Emily in Paris (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluffy, Multi, Nonmonogamy, Polyamory, camille/gabriel/emily cooper, slightly cracky, travel fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_mermaid/pseuds/space_mermaid
Summary: "Emily hadn’t expected to find a boyfriend in Paris. Let alone a boyfriendanda girlfriend. Heck, she hadn’t even known she had liked girls that way. Until Camille seduced her in Gabriel’s apartment. She’d slept with each of them once. Now it was time to get to know them better."(Will probably move to explicit)
Relationships: Camille/Emily Cooper (Emily in Paris)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was honestly so heartened by the response to my first Emily in Paris fic :) Can be read as a continuation from Unicorn in Paris, still mostly lighthearted but not as cracky, I hope. This one will be another Emily/Camille/Gabriel fic because they are an obvious triad. Probably most of the focus on Emily and Camille though. I wrote this chapter while having some writer's block for the HP fic I'm focusing on for Nanowrimo. Hopefully I'll update soon, but no promises on timeframe. Hope you enjoy!

Emily hadn’t expected to find a boyfriend in Paris. Let alone a boyfriend _and_ a girlfriend. Heck, she hadn’t even known she had liked girls that way. Well, maybe there had been some signs, but she’d never had a shortage of guys hitting on her, so it wasn’t something she really had to think about. Until Camille seduced her in Gabriel’s apartment. Emily had thought the kind, stunning blonde was going to go off at her for sleeping with Gabriel the night before. But apparently Camille and Gabriel had an understanding. 

She’d fucked each of them once. Now it was time to get to know them better. 

When the office went on strike for better wages, citing that senior members like Sylvie and Emily herself were getting paid twice what the other members were paid for the same work, Emily initially despaired. The machinations of capitalism had devoured her soul and burrowed deep into her bones, so she only really felt calm when she was productive. Even if what she was producing was viral posts for pharmaceutical companies that jacked up prices of vital medication to exorbitant prices to increase profits for them and insurance companies at the expense of people’s lives. What was she supposed to do now? 

Well, it turned out her bougie new girlfriend had time and money to burn. 

“Let’s go on a holiday,” Camille said over a croissant. 

“Les vacances?” Emily tried. 

“Oui, exactement,” Camille replied. 

“But what about work? Shouldn’t I keep posting, trying to maintain Savoir’s relationship with our clients, even if I can’t get into the office?” 

Camille rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a scab, Emily. Just because you don’t walk over the physical picket line, doesn’t mean working online isn’t the exact same betrayal of your comrades.” 

Emily pursed her lips together. “I didn’t know you were such a communist.” 

Camille laughed so hard that tears rolled down her perfect porcelain cheeks. “Emily, you are so ridiculous. Now, back to the real issue here. Shall we go to Nice? Or Normandy?” 

“I don’t know if I can afford this,” Emily said sadly. “I don’t have any savings because I’ve been spending most of it on all these fancy clothes to impress Sylvie.” 

“You don’t need to worry about that, I’ll cover it,” Camille said with a wave of her hand. 

“Oh, wow, okay…” Emily was so against accepting any kind of charity. But it seemed Camille was bent on wooing her, and it was kind of sweet. 

“So where will it be?” 

“I don’t know, I’ve barely explored Paris. You’re the expert local, I trust you to know where to take me.” 

Camille smiled broadly. “I’m so glad you trust me. Well, let’s get all the Paris scenes out of the way in the next week or so. Then on to the south coast.” 

Emily clapped her hands together. “I’m so excited!” 

Just then, Mindy wandered into the kitchen, hair askew as though she’d just woken up. “What’s all this squealing in here, you guys woke me up.” 

“Mindy, it’s almost midday.” 

She raised her eyebrows. “So? It’s not like I have anywhere to be.” 

Emily pouted in sympathy. Mindy was bummed out after losing her au pair job. She leant into Camille, whispering conspiratorially in her ear, “Do you think Mindy could tag along with us this week?” 

“I can hear you,” Mindy droned. “I’m literally two feet away, the kitchen is tiny.” 

Camille nodded. “Yes. Definitely, Mindy, you are welcome to, how you say, third wheel with us.” 

Mindy looked at her deadpan. “You know that’s an insult, right?” 

Camille smiled. “Is it?” 

“Now, now ladies,” Emily held up her hands. “Let’s be patient with the cultural misunderstandings and miscommunications. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt this past few months, it’s that language is hard.” 

Mindy drank from the orange juice jug she’d grabbed from the fridge, rolling her eyes. Camille twirled her blonde hair around her fingers innocently. 

“Okay,” Emily said uncertainly. “I’m going to get dressed into to something more appropriate for gallivanting about town. You two behave, maybe decide where we go can first. Okay?” 

The two women nodded, and Emily hurried off to her room. 

Despite the slight friction between her new girlfriend and her best friend (which Mindy definitely was, as no one from America had bothered to interact with her since her move, other than a few Instagram likes), she was feeling a bit excited. Yes, yes, the work situation was making her very anxious – what if Sylvie got mad with her and fired her again? But she had to admit, she was dying to see more of Paris, especially when she didn’t have to put all her focus into taking marketable selfies, or wooing creepy clients that constantly sexually harassed her. And she would be led by Camille. She was so knowledgeable, so confident, so beautiful. She blushed, thinking about the mischief they’d gotten up to a few days ago. She couldn’t believe someone so gorgeous was interested in her. It made butterflies fan out in her chest. 

Emily stepped out of the room, dressed in a pretty flower print dress, hair swept up into a ponytail, and vivid red lipstick reapplied. Mindy had also gotten dressed, presumably in the loungeroom, into a strapping pantsuit, while Camille was just the same, in a short-sleeved t-shirt and A line skirt. 

“So, where are we off to first?” Emily asked, excitement thrumming through her veins. 

“The Louvre,” Camille jumped off the barstool and grabbed her handbag. 

“Oh. Great,” Emily’s heart sank somewhat, thinking about the excessively long lines outside that glass pyramid, and how her make up would melt in the sun. “Maybe I should get a hat.” 

“No need,” Camille insisted. 

Emily followed her out the front door, Mindy dragging her feet. 

“I’ve already been to the Louvre,” she grumbled. 

“Yes, but you were with your host family, weren’t you? I bet you couldn’t really focus on the art when you had to keep an eye on the children,” Camille argued, as they headed down the many flights of stairs. 

“I guess so,” Mindy replied. 

As they broke out of the old building and into the light of day, Emily whipped out her phone. “How long do you think it will take an Uber to get here at this time of day?” 

Camille took her arm. “Put the phone away, sugar plumb.” 

Emily blinked, confused and slightly turned on by the order, as well as heart warmed by the term of endearment. “I’m sorry?” 

“We’re walking to the Metro. Like normal people.” 

“Oh. Okay,” Emily reluctantly complied. She had put all travel on the company card thus far and hadn’t bothered to investigate public transport options. 

However, she was pleased that it only took a few minutes before they found a Metro sign and descended the steps. They bought a bunch of small slips from the ticket machine, and went through the turn stalls, where the slips were sucked up and spat out. There was a large map on the wall, showing all the different routes and lines, but Camille seemed to know where they were going. It wasn’t that different from the subway, really. Though maybe the smell of piss was stronger. After a couple of line changes, they emerged into a shopping centre. They walked for about fifteen minutes, and suddenly, they were in an atrium, the reception of the Louvre. 

“Wow,” Emily breathed. “A secret entrance!” 

Camille led them up to the counter where they bought tickets, and they headed up the elevators. It was busy, but not too crowded, as it was the middle of the week. The walked the massive halls, high skylight ceilings bathing the room in heavenly light, level by level. There were massive paintings that took up whole walls, and smaller oil paintings of renaissance era. Many beautiful, naked women. She saw a couple of artists painting recreations on their own canvas. 

“Hold your handbag close to you,” Camille warned, as they headed to the most crowded room. 

Emily crowded her neck to try and see past the swarms of people, including a tour group with an English-speaking guide. 

“La Joconde, or the Mona Lisa,” the woman said. “Is one of the most famous paintings in the world.” 

Emily didn’t want to stop for too long, as people were pressing up all around her, and she was worried someone would pick pocket her, especially after she’d already gotten her phone stolen a month ago. She glanced at the painting briefly as she moved into the next part of the gallery. It didn’t seem that great, especially when compared with all the other impressive art. 

They gazed upon a painting that seemed very sapphic. Two women with high fuzzy hair, topless. The dark-haired lady pinching the nipple of the blonde. Camille put her arm around Emily and a warm blush flooded Emily’s cheeks. She leant into the touch as they gazed upon the painting and thought of all the queer women throughout history that had looked at this painting and seen themselves mirrored back. Mindy also tucked her arm around Emily’s waist, and Emily shot her a confused look. 

“A third wheel is useful for a tricycle, right?” Mindy muttered, waggling her eyebrows. 

Emily rolled her eyes, but put her arm around Mindy in return. They moved on to the statues and Egyptian section. 

“My legs are tired,” Mindy groaned. 

“Me too,” Emily admitted. “Maybe we should go somewhere for lunch?” 

They made their way to the exit and broke out into a long courtyard with high turreted facades. They passed a large pond dotted with seagulls and a few chairs, then walked over crunchy ground through tree lined paths to a café. 

“Probablement très cher,” Emily said as they approached. 

“Probablement,” Camille returned and poked her tongue out. 

Emily practiced her French and ordered each of them a baguette and drink. They people watched as they ate and talked about their favourite art pieces. 

“Well, that was a lovely day,” Emily said. “I admit it was nice to explore a little bit without having to post on social media for work.” 

“Exactly,” Mindy said. “Stop sucking the companies dick and start living, girl!” 

“Jeez,” Emily said, eyes widening. 

“Well, the day is not finished yet,” Camille cut in. 

“Why, what else are we doing?” Emily asked. 

Camille leant in over the table and beckoned the other two women in closer. “We are going to the home of the dead.” 

“The Père Lachaise cemetery?” Mindy guessed. 

“Ooh, yes I want to kiss the grave of Oscar Wilde!” Emily cheered. 

Camille shook her head. “You can’t, it’s covered with a plastic screen now.” 

“Well, I’ll kiss the plastic screen,” Emily said cheerily. “Come on, he’s a bisexual icon.” 

“We’re not going to the cemetery,” Camille said. “We’re going to the catacombs.” 

Emily gasped. “That sounds scary! Is Gabriel coming?” 

“Why? Do you need him to protect you?” Camille asked. 

“No,” Emily insisted. “I can look after myself. I just thought…he would enjoy that sort of spooky thing.” 

“Hmm, no, he wouldn’t,” Camille countered, and Emily’s smile faltered. Here was another example of how Camille knew Gabriel best, and she was still trying to catch up on their history, their closeness, their intimate knowledge of each other. She didn’t like feeling like a third wheel in her own relationships. 


	2. Chapter 2

They descended underground, down a narrow staircase of stone, deeper and deeper into the bowels of Paris. Emily stayed close at Camille’s back, hoping she wouldn’t trip and tumble them to their demise. When finally they reached the ground, they had to walk still further, through a bare rock tunnel, over crunching, small gravel until they met their tour guide at a small stone archway. Emily squinted at the carved message at the top of the arch. 

_ARRÊTE_

_C’EST ICI L’EMPIRE DE LA MORT_

“Stop,” she whispered. “This is here…the empire of the dead.” 

Camille kissed her cheek. “Bon travail, ma cherie.” 

Emily’s skin tingled where Camille’s lips had touched her, and she tried not to be scared. She had been to haunted houses before, but this was different. This was real. And she was probably not allowed to scream if something brushed against her leg unexpectedly. So she had to keep her cool. 

Something grabbed her back and she jumped. 

“Spooky, huh?” Mindy said. 

“You startled me!” Emily grumbled. “And yes, it is a bit spooky.” 

Finally, the rest of the group gathered, and the walk through the empire of the dead commenced. 

Besser brick walls held up the concreted ceiling, pressing claustrophobically down on the space. The whole of Paris was over their heads, threatening to crush them. Small lamps lit their way, glowing orange and casting shadows as they moved. 

Bones stacked up all around them. Forming dividers that shaped their path. It looked like they were sorted by type. Large, long bones (maybe from the leg?) stacked up in massive piles, with skulls placed on top. So high they almost touched the ceiling. Emily didn’t feel like screaming, she just felt very uncomfortable. All these bones had belonged to people, once. Now they were separated out from the cohesive body, sorted systematically, on display. 

There was another message, a large plaque that Emily was struggling to translate in her anxiety. 

“Camille,” she tugged on her girlfriend’s t-shirt. “What does that say?” 

Camille whispered back. “Bones from the ancient St Jacques cemetery, deposited in 1850 to the west bonery, and transferred in 1859.” 

“Why?” Emily asked. 

“The cemeteries were overflowing with bodies,” Camille replied. 

A skull with its jaw still connected was stacked prominently on the closest pile, it’s mouth gaping and eyes hollow. They walked on. 

“Oh, I’ve got this one,” Mindy said, stopping at another engraved stone plaque. “Like all passing beneath the ground. Spirit, beauty, grace, talent. So is a flower ephemeral that turns at the slightest wind.” 

“That’s nice,” Emily said faintly. 

She kept pressing forward. As far as the eye could see in this winding passage, it was the same. Some rooms were cordoned off for restoration. But she could see even in the dim light that they were a repeat of what she had already seen. Stack and stack of bones. 

They walked and walked and walked. Eventually, they made it to a staircase, and commenced the journey up. Emily didn’t breathe easy until they were back on the street. 

“So, what did you think?” Camille asked, linking arms with both Emily and Mindy as she led them back to the Metro. 

“It was…unsettling,” Emily said. “And excessive.” 

“Do you think our bones will end up like that one day?” Mindy asked. 

“Gosh, I hope not,” Emily said. “I’d like to do that thing, where they turn you into a tree.” 

“Ooh, nice,” Mindy nodded. 

“So it was a bad end to our day?” Camille asked, disappointment hanging in her voice. 

“No, no, of course not,” Emily reassured her, squeezing her arm. “It was still a good experience.” 

“Good.” 

Their shoes clopped over the ground and they had to break their linked arms to walk down the Metro steps to avoid crashing into people. 

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Mindy asked. 

Emily smiled surreptitiously, glad that she’d roped Mindy into having a bit of fun and breaking out of her post-firing funk. “Well, I should probably text Sylvie to check if it’s business as usual.” 

Camille groaned. “Emily, don’t be silly. It will be weeks before management comes to the table for this strike. You should be texting Luc and Julien your support.” 

“Right, right,” Emily said. “Well, I don’t know then, what should we get up to?” 

They passed through the turn stalls and broke out onto the platform. Emily winced at the sight of a homeless man, sleeping on the bench. 

“How about a picnic at the park?” Camille said. “We could convince Gabriel to make us some food.” 

“Ooh, great idea,” Emily said. 

The train shuttled up and stopped, glass doors sliding open to reveal the entrance. They waited for the exiting commuters to shuffle out before boarding, then found some seats. Emily gazed out the window as they pulled away, the sleeping man shrinking into a pile of fabric, before disappearing. 

Back at her building, Emily wearily climbed the stairs, utterly spent from the day. Mindy trailed behind her, just as exhausted. Camille, an ever-ready bunny, skipped up past them and waved goodnight before letting herself into Gabriel’s apartment. Emily wistfully watched her go. 

“Come on,” Mindy nudged her back. “You’ve got the keys.” 

Emily pulled herself up by the balustrade. “At least my ass is going to look amazing.” 

“Your ass is already amazing,” Mindy assured her. 

“Well, extra amazing then,” Emily panted. 

Eventually, they made it to her floor, and Emily let them in. She headed for the shower to wash the grime of the catacombs out of her hair. As she lathered her skin, she thought of the inscriptions, the allusions to life’s ephemerality. What was she doing with her life? She was in her early twenties. Soon, she would be old and decrepit. She would die without having ever made any contribution to the world. Her successes wouldn’t even be a footnote in her famous client’s autobiographies. Forgotten, a pile of bones rotting in the ground, probably only to be dug up and made into a wall a hundred years in the future. Her hand splayed on the tiles, as the water washed over her neck and she breathed the humidity rapidly, panic twisting in her chest. 

“Yo, are you okay?” 

She screamed. 

Mindy had slightly pulled back the shower screen, a toothbrush hanging from her mouth. 

“What are you doing?” Emily screamed. 

Mindy extracted the toothbrush. “What’s it look like?” 

“Arg!” Emily pulled the shower screen closed, hiding her friend’s confused expression. “Haven’t you ever heard of privacy?” 

She heard Mindy spit and gargle, and she rolled her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know her,” Mindy said drly. “You almost done drowning in there?” 

Emily shut off the water and popped her head around the curtain. “Are you going to perve on me getting dressed, too?” 

“I mean, I’m down,” Mindy shrugged. 

“Oh my god, get out!” Emily whined. 

Mindy threw up her hands. “Fine, fine.” 

When she was alone, Emily climbed out of the shower and dried herself off, slipping quickly into her pyjamas before Mindy could burst in on her again. She cleaned her face with cotton balls and eye makeup remover. Soon, she would be cracked with wrinkles. She squirted out a glob of moisturiser and frantically rubbed it into her skin, trying to stem her panic, but it didn’t do much good. Underneath, she knew she was still aging, her biological clock ticking onwards to death. Underneath, her face was a skull, jaw hanging, eyes hollow. She gripped the sink, breathing rapidly. Was she having a heart attack? _No, I don’t want to die!_ She screamed internally. 

There was a knock at the door. “Hey, you done yet?” 

Emily gasped, trying to answer, but she could barely breath. She sunk to the tiled floor, as the edges of her vision blurred black. 

“Cover your coochie, I’m coming in,” Mindy called, opening the door. “Oh hey, are you okay?” 

She crouched down next to Emily, who grabbed her hand, still hyperventilating. 

“Whoo, whoa, you’ve got to slow down, sweetie,” Mindy rubbed her back with the hand that Emily’s wasn’t squeezing white. “Come on, breath with me. In…and out…in…and out.” 

Emily tried to focus on Mindy’s count, matching her slow, measured breaths. Eventually, they were in time, and Emily’s ribs stopped trying to collapse in on her lungs like a shrinking cage. 

“Good girl, let’s get you out of here,” Mindy stood up, stretching her arm down to pull Emily up. 

She led her into the loungeroom, and they sat on the couch, where Mindy’s makeshift bed was set up. 

“Did you want to talk about it?” Mindy asked, stroking her knuckles gently. 

Emily opened her mouth, then closed it. “I’m…it was nothing.” 

“Didn’t seem like nothing,” Mindy prodded. 

“I just freaked myself out, it was stupid.” 

“What was freaking you out?” 

Emily closed her eyes, stacks of bones stretching endlessly behind her eyelids. She blinked, and her cheeks were wet. “I was just thinking about getting old, and dying and…I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, and how I’m just wasting time, and –”

“You’re having a quarter life crisis.” 

“Yeah, probably.” 

Mindy nodded sympathetically. “I understand.” 

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to freak myself out and have a stroke or something.” 

“I don’t think that will happen,” Mindy said reassuringly. “But why don’t you write a list out of all the things bothering you before you go to bed. That way, it’ll still be there in the morning, but you don’t have to worry yourself sick over it when you’re trying to sleep.” 

Emily smiled. “That’s a really smart idea. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. Happy to trade therapy for a roof over my head.” 

“Hey,” Emily pushed her shoulder with a frown. “You don’t have to do anything to repay me. You’re my friend.” 

Mindy wrapped an arm around her. “Well, I appreciate that. Here, grab the pen and paper off the coffee table and start writing your list while I take a shower.” 

“Okay,” Emily picked up the notebook. 

It looked like Mindy had been writing out lyrics. She flipped to a new page. She wrote out the title first: _Things Freaking Me Out_. Then drew a star shaped dot point. She started writing, her hand gripping the pen so tightly that it got cramped by the second page. 

Mindy emerged from the bathroom, her hair wrapped up in a towel and face fresh. “How’d you go?” 

“Good,” Emily said, sticking her tongue out in concentration as she finished the last dot point on the third page. She handed the book over to Mindy. 

“You want me to read it?” 

Emily shrugged. “Yeah, if you want.” 

Mindy looked down, eyes widening. “Oh wow, there’s a lot here.” 

Emily bit her lip. “Is that bad?” 

“Um, no, you must have just been holding on to a lot for a while, I guess.” 

Emily shrugged. “Just thought I should be thorough, so nothing needles at me when I close my eyes.” 

“Going to get fat,” Mindy read out incredulously. “Really?” 

“I’ve eaten so much cheese since I got here,” Emily said, fingers curling around her elbows. “Not to mention alcohol.” 

“Hmm, I think we need to talk through this at some point,” Mindy said with concern, placing the notebook back on the coffee table. “But good job. Do you think you can get to sleep now?” 

Emily nodded, climbing off the couch. “Could you maybe tuck me in?” 

Mindy slung an arm over her shoulder and smiled. “No.” 

“Oh.” 

“I’ll do you one better and keep you company tonight.” 

Emily scoffed. “You just don’t want to sleep on the couch.” 

“Shut up, I’m a good friend!” 

“Yes, you are,” Emily agreed, and they headed to her room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really appreciate your comments! Motivates me to keep writing ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Please subscribe and leave a comment below if you enjoyed!


End file.
